So, I guess it’s about time for my appearance. I’m Laura, the other half of this “venture.” As you can see Kalynn is a really enthusiastic about this whole conception thing. Don’t get the wrong idea, It’s not that I’m not… I’m just…Less so. Maybe I should explain a bit more, because this is one of those things where “I am” and “I’m not” is just not adequate.
I do want children, let me just say that first. I’m a graphic designer, its how I identify myself, it’s who I (usually) feel I am. It gives me great satisfaction, and it’s what I think about when I construct my future in my mind. I know I want children, but if it never happened... there would be a hole in my life, but I wouldn’t feel like a failure. I don’t imagine the 80 year old childless me sitting in a home feeling like I never accomplished anything because I never passed on my genes.
For the longest time I thought “well, it’s not something I have to worry about now. I’m in college I’m in my early 20’s. It will happen, in a few years.” And a few years later: “Well, it’s not something I have to worry about now. I just started my career. I’m in my mid 20’s. It will happen, in a few years.” And as I write this I’m 26, out of college, in my career for a few years, my partner graduates college in a year, and if I plan to be pregnant in a year or two, I have to plan NOW.
Why now? Well, obviously since I’m a with a woman I can’t just leave it to chance to see if children are in the cards life dealt me. I’ve got to be proactive about pregnancy.
I’d like to say the realization that this needs to be taken off the back burner hit me like a ton of bricks, and it kind of did, but like a ton of bricks thrown one by one. Each birthday that inched me closer to 30 reminded me, each friend (many younger than me) pregnant reminded me, each time Kalynn begged me to sit down and plan with her reminded me. Most time I tried to blatantly ignore each brick upside the head. My inner voice said “we’ll do/talk about/think about this later.” But when you think that every time, “later” never comes.
So now we are reading pregnancy books, making strangely intricate planning binders, examining every man we know for donor eligibility against a long list of ideal traits, and tracking my fertility cycle which apparently has to do with mucus and vaginal temperature. Yes soon I’ll soon be using a graph to chart what my mucus is like and “taking my temp” each day at 8:30am sharp.
Sorry for anyone who didn’t want to know that, you are free to try and wipe your memory. But this blog is all about honesty, with us as a couple and with anyone reading this blog in similar situation.
For some women getting pregnant is as simple as just having unprotected sex. For others it involves tracking your body’s cycle carefully and planning the encounter with semen like a tactical operation. This can be true for even straight women, but being lesbian or bisexual in a female only relationship carries its own set of complications.
In this blog we’ll be talking about what we are doing in the baby pursuit and how it makes us feel. You’ll probably see we don’t always agree, there may even be tension, but this is real life. We won’t sugar coat it because it won’t help anyone if we do. Ready? I’m not sure I am, I’m not sure if she is, but is anyone? Let’s start trying anyways!
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